Making Big Decisions And Tough Choices

When it comes to making big decisions for your business, whether it's to start a NEW business, pivot your niche, make your first hire, or invest in your development, there's no doubt about it, making the decision to go for it or not is bloody tough.

I've realised there are 3 traps and 3 fears that hold us back when we're wrestling with a big decision. So, because knowledge is power I'm going to share these with you so you can recognise them and deal with them...

1. The Safety Trap

It's east to feel trapped inside your comfort zone. Doing the things you know how to do with your eyes shut.  Playing small. Taking only the tiniest of risks… never enough to ACTUALLY risk anything that matters to you.

Maybe you avoid putting your whole self out there, never opening yourself, your message or your opinions up to scrutiny.

We all love to feel safe…

Our parents urged us to get a steady job with a good pension.  They did that because their instinct was to protect us.  If you have kids, I’m sure you can relate. I remember (long before I even had my own son) losing sleep over my sister allowing my nephew to take a bus to town alone!  

Of course, as an adult, you get to decide for yourself how much risk you’re comfortable with… but the problem is that by that time we’ve often absorbed our parents’ fears as our own.  We’re trapped by our need to feel safe.

The secret is to slowly but surely get comfortable with feeling exposed. It's ok to 'feel the feels' - don't let whether something feels safe or not be the sole criteria by which you make your decisions.

2. The Achievement Trap

Life places huge expectations on us to achieve.  Pressure from the education system, the media, our culture, family, peers and our friends. 

The goal of ‘winning’ is ingrained in us as children.  In games, sport, academics we’re rewarded for coming first, for being the best.  Our egos are massaged by the praise we receive. 

When you run your business competitively you place a huge burden on yourself.  If you perceive yourself to be falling behind in some area you start to feel guilty and under-accomplished. 

The irony is that when we battle with imposter syndrome & constantly compare our businesses to others, we often feel pressured to race towards goals that someone else has set.  Isn’t it time to set goals within your business that YOU actually want to achieve, in accordance with your own values and timeline? 

3. The Money Trap

I remember when I still worked a 9-5, I felt like I was being held hostage by my salary.  I was actually envious of people who earned less than me because their lives were set up to need less money. So in my eyes, quitting their job to explore a new venture would be so much easier for them as they didn’t have to worry about their huge mortgage, Sky subscription, rocketing utility bills etc.

All I could think about was protecting the income I already had. It wasn't until I mastered an expansive money mindset that I started to see what was possible for me.

A money mindset that focusses on scarcity is like a prison cell. Embracing an abundant money mindset is the key.

In addition to feeling trapped, why is making a big decision so knee tremblingly scary?? 

Why? Because you don’t have a crystal ball.

Making decisions is hard because you’re scared you'll regret the choice you make and your life / business will be worse not better.  

You want a crystal ball so you can be sure you're doing the ‘right’ thing.

You want to gaze into that crystal ball and know, beyond any shadow of doubt, that if you take the plunge you'll be ok financially, your business will thrive, you’ll be happier and more fulfilled,  and everyone will approve of the decision you made.

So, because you don’t have a crystal ball you’re scared of 3 things:

• Failure
• Disappointment
• Disapproval

1. Fear of Failure

This is completely logical. Humans have naturally evolved with a ‘better safe than sorry’ outlook.  It served us well when our alternatives were either stay in the cave or get eaten.  But we've evolved slightly since those days. (Well, most of us have!) We now have inside us a desire to grow, to expand our horizons, to experience new things, new ways of living and working.

To fight your fear of failure there’s one SUPER important thing you can do… break down the actions you need to take to get to where you want to be into tiny, micro steps.  Make each step so small that it’s a no-brainer. The smaller the action step, the less courage you need to take it. 

2. Fear of Disappointment

This is a tough one.  Back to that crystal ball again.  We want to project ourselves into the future so we can know for sure which choice we prefer for our business model / niche / marketing strategy / investment / coach / course / mentor or whatever choice we’re wrestling with.

You feel paralysed as you overanalyse every possible outcome of either decision.

As Ruth Chang says in her Ted Talk 'Hard Choices', "What makes a choice hard is the way the alternatives relate. In any easy choice, one alternative is better than the other. In a hard choice, one alternative is better in some ways, the other alternative is better in other ways, and neither is better than the other overall."

She suggests that when this is the case both choices should be considered as 'on a par'.  No amount of agonising over the decision will result in an obvious 'best' answer presenting itself because everyone’s rating criteria is different.

Making the choice is hard.

This is where you need to be brave, pull on those big girl pants and make a choice, take action and enjoy the ride... 

3. Fear of Disapproval

This one was my arch enemy for MANY years.  I grew up living my life according to other people's expectations.  I had a tendency to delegate decision making to others.  My parents, my teachers, my friends… I think many of us were raised to be ‘good’. To follow the rules.  Good girls and boys put the needs of others before their own and are never demanding.

So when faced with a difficult decision, you're terrified that others won't approve of your choice of action.

You role play in your head what others might say:

'You're being irresponsible'

'You'll regret it'

'Don't expect me to pick up the pieces when it all goes wrong'

Sound familiar?

Well guess what.  You're a grown up now.  Those peoples' opinions can only matter as much as YOU allow them to.  It's lovely when everyone you share your hopes and dreams with is incredibly supportive, thinks you're absolutely doing the right thing and hands you a good luck card... It's lovely... But not a necessity.

Once you stop pouring energy into seeking the approval of others you can use that freed up energy to change your life by making the decisions that are right FOR YOU.

So, I hope you can now spot the traps & fears that keep you playing small in your business.

If you want to talk through a big decision you're wrestling with, don’t forget you can book a complimentary call with me - let's spend an hour brainstorming together.

gillmoakes.com/book

(Don't forget to download your Goal Setting Workbook if you haven't already)

Suggested Listening

#002 - 7 Unpleasant Side Effects Of Undercharging For Your Services

#010 - Relentless Courage with Jude Charles

#054 - Is a Mastermind the Next Right Step For You and Your Business?