Gill Moakes (00:01.816)
Welcome, welcome to the Heads Together podcast. I'm your host, Jo Moakes, and I'm so glad you're here with me again this week. Thank you for joining me. Imagine if you didn't. Imagine if no one did join me. I'd be talking into the void. But that isn't the case, and I'm glad you're here. So this week, before I dive in, actually, I just want to let you know something, and that is that I am...
really close now to bringing back the waitlist to work with me privately. So I've got one spot that is coming up shortly. It's not available at the moment, but will be coming up in May to be able to work with me privately, if that is something that you would like to do. But other than that, there will be a waitlist for that. And whilst my group
program will be available for May onwards, there won't be an immediate availability to work with me privately. So if private business coaching is something that you would like to talk to me about, if private business coach, sorry Lena, if private business coaching is something that you would like to talk to me about one on one coaching, then do.
Apply for a call with me, jillmoakes .com forward slash apply. And we can absolutely spend an hour or so together just talking through whether a private coaching engagement between us would be a really good fit. So I just wanted to let you know that you know me well enough to know that I don't do those kind of false urgency things. I have been.
just about coming up to a capacity for a little while now but now yeah that that will really be it there's one space um that will be a come available next month and then there will be a wait list after that so that said i want to take us into this week's episode now which is on a topic that honestly i've found myself talking about so much recently
Gill Moakes (02:22.457)
It seems like there is a little bit of a cycle to these kind of topics and right now this one has come back up to the top of the wheel and that is around self -worth. It's around how self -worth becomes the ceiling for your success.
Um, I read a quote yesterday and this is awful because I can't remember now who it was, but I will find out and I will credit them in the show notes. Um, but it was a quote that said, you will never earn more than you believe your worth.
No, it wasn't even that. Lena, take that out completely. I'm going to have to think of the exact quote because otherwise that's crap. Yeah, take that bit out. So.
Gill Moakes (03:28.952)
Oh, so I haven't even got into the episode yet, have I? Okay, so let's go. Yeah. So let's dive into the episode.
Gill Moakes (03:39.032)
So have you ever caught yourself really pulling the reins on a big dream or a big goal that you've got, a vision that you would love to bring to life, but then you just catch yourself doing that whole, that's just not realistic. I'm not being realistic. You know, like someone like me does not get to do something like that, right? Or...
quite often we'll bring in all of the other reasons why it's not realistic for us like I've left it too late, I'm too old, I'm too young, I'm not experienced enough, I don't have the tools I need, you whatever the reasons are that we put in place. But often that thought process around something being not realistic for us or not being available for someone like us.
really it really boils down to how we see our own value.
Our self -worth isn't just about feeling good about ourselves. It absolutely and directly impacts how high or low we aim in our life and in our business. But here's the thing.
Sorry, Lena. What we tend to do, and this is what I've really been, have been talking about a lot lately, we tend to set an internal bar and we set that bar at the level we believe we can achieve.
Gill Moakes (05:20.088)
This isn't necessarily something we do consciously, of course, but subconsciously, we all have a tendency to do this, to set a bar internally. And often the mindset work we then do becomes about raising the bar of what we can achieve, what's available to us, what is, you know, realistic for us. We talk about raising the bar.
I don't think it's about raising the bar. I think it's much more fundamental about that. It's about realizing that there is no bar.
I want you to think about the scene in The Matrix, right? You know the scene where Neo meets that child who's bending spoons with his mind, and the child tells him that like the key to being able to do that is a shift in perception. He says to him, you'll see it's not the spoon that bends, it's only yourself, right? Cinematic gold, love, love, love that part of the movie.
And of course, it's a metaphor for the barriers that we build around our potential. So.
When we set a bar...
Gill Moakes (06:37.848)
We're doing it through the lens that we've been taught to view what we're capable of.
And that lens is everything that we've been brought up to believe about ourselves. It's everything that our learned and lived experience has told us up until this point. Right?
But if you can let go of those fixed ideas that you have of what's possible for you, a whole new world of possibility and opportunity opens itself up for you. Because what we're doing is we're not just trying to reach another level, we're completely recognising that the whole concept of levels is completely flawed. It's completely warped.
and our own self -worth.
Gill Moakes (07:35.934)
determines whether we can actually get to a point where we see that concept of there being a bar as an illusion.
I'm gonna I'm gonna go over that again because this is like I feel like this is like a quite a mind bender to get your head around but there comes a point where this switch flicks it's happened to me and I can absolutely remember the me before the flick the oh sorry the switch flick
and I can remember the me and obviously I am the me after the switch flicked.
and before the switch flicks...
I was, I was still ambitious. I would have considered myself to be a really ambitious person. Someone who had big goals, someone who, uh,
Gill Moakes (08:44.328)
absolutely aimed high. I would have, I would have considered myself to be that person. But the truth was I didn't consider myself unlimited. I didn't consider myself to have any and every option available for me.
So I absolutely looked at my life through a lens of what I had witnessed personally, other people be able to do, people who were like me. And I would allow what I was capable of doing to be informed by what I'd witnessed other people not be able to do. Right? That's a big one. So if you've witnessed a lot of people not achieve the thing that you...
would love to entertain being available for you, then it's hard, it's hard to picture that it's available for you. It's hard to consider that it might be an opportunity for you.
Gill Moakes (09:53.496)
But when you finally make a decision to choose yourself for the success that you want as defined by you, this is really important as well. We all get to define what success means for us. No one else gets to tell us what success should look and feel like. It's an incredibly personal thing. You get to absolutely define your own version of it and
No one can tell you whether that should be financial, whether it's lifestyle, whether it's reputation, or whether it's a mixture of all three, whatever it is, no one gets to define it for you, you get to do that yourself. But once you do define what success is for you, and you make a choice, you choose yourself as the person who that is available for, everything changes.
When you become quite single minded about what you are going to achieve, when you absolutely accept that there is no bar to what you can achieve, there's no ceiling to what you can do, something happens and that is that you start to align much more closely with what you really want. Suddenly, this clarity that you've got,
makes decision making and risk taking feel much less like a gamble.
So can you imagine like if you are someone who believes, who set their bar quite low, they have a really low level to what they believe they can achieve. Then for those people aiming higher than where they've set that bar, even a tiny bit higher than that feels like a big risk.
Gill Moakes (12:01.528)
feels like they're absolutely gambling on their future. Now picture someone who
not necessarily someone who has no bar because those people are freaking limitless. They're liberated from this. But you know that you will know people who for you are, you know, they are the high achievers, they aim high, they don't take any kind of... Lena, not don't take any... they don't... what do I want to say?
Gill Moakes (12:41.864)
The people who don't compromise on what they really want, they don't experience that feeling of risk and gambling in the same way because they're already, their bar is already much higher. Now you picture taking that bar away when you genuinely believe that you are not limited.
you when you become free, when you liberate yourself from external pressure, and those distorted views and opinions of what you should or shouldn't want, or what is and isn't realistic for you. Right? When you take all of that away and realize there is no bar. That's liberation, that's freedom. That is the freedom to do exactly the thing you want.
And like I say, when you're crystal clear on that, and when you make a decision that that is what is going to happen, then decision making becomes so easy. Tuning into your gut, to your instinct, when you're clear on what your big vision is, becomes easy.
Bye.
It's really interesting, I think, to just ponder on how much of what we accept about our lives and our businesses, if you're a business owner, is shaped already by these self -imposed limits.
Gill Moakes (14:19.64)
What could we achieve if we did ditch that notion of this internal bar completely?
Isn't that crazy thought?
Because we do, we set our own ceilings. We set the ceiling of our success until we remove that bar completely, until we understand that there is no bar, there is no ceiling, there is no spoon, right?
Gill Moakes (14:56.92)
And yes, life throws curveballs every now and then, but no external force can truly limit our potential unless we allow it to.
So by that token, our beliefs about our worth and what we're capable of, absolutely mark out the boundaries of our success. Which means all of that is within our control. How successful you are is completely within your control.
Gill Moakes (15:34.046)
Limits are often of our own making, almost always of our own making.
Gill Moakes (15:43.128)
when you start to unlock your true potential.
by understanding there is no bar, no ceiling.
Gill Moakes (15:55.511)
You have a whole new way of looking at the world.
And that can be quite overwhelming at first. I can distinctly remember thinking to myself, so if I'm really in the driver's seat here, if I really can make a decision around what I am and am not successful in.
then how the hell do I choose? How do I decide what I'm going to do? And that's, that's some deep work. That's why so many people hit midlife and get that feeling, that feeling of there must be more. I'm meant for more. And a lot of that is because it, the confidence that comes with
with experience and comes to us in midlife, particularly, I think, really gives us the tools to look at this, to look at your self -worth, to look at what you believe is available for you, to really examine it and start questioning things. I don't think we do that as much when we're younger because we're in a different season of life. We're in a season of finding out our place of.
Often our life is a lot of socializing, it's a lot of busyness and it's a lot of child rearing and relationship establishing and all of that kind of thing. And then midlife comes and suddenly it's like, whoa, actually, hang on, I don't feel like my big life is happening yet. I don't feel like my...
Gill Moakes (17:51.474)
potentials being lived out, I feel like there's so much more I want to do. I think most people have an ambition spurt in midlife actually. And I think that's completely natural. I think that's to be expected, because I think you're way better equipped to actually make progress with the things that you actually take out the actually please Lena, with things that you want to achieve.
So.
I'm going to leave you with a little pondering around where are you limiting yourself? Where are you making decisions because of a story you tell yourself around what is available for you? What risks are you not taking?
Okay. I'm going to put a link in the show notes to my vision and goal setting bundle because that's quite a handy one for exploring a bit of this work. Big topic, big topic, huge topic. Oh, I sounded like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman then. Big mistake, big mistake, huge. Yeah, it is a big talk.
topic. I get that if you want some support, like I say, reach out to me and do download that bundle that vision and goal setting bundle if you haven't already because there's some really useful stuff in there. Okay, I'll pop the link in the show notes. And as always, thank you so much for being with me here and listening to the podcast again this week. I really appreciate you so much.
Gill Moakes (19:44.184)
If you would leave a five -star review on Apple iTunes, not Apple iTunes, Apple Podcasts, that would be so appreciated. Thank you very, very much, and I will see you same time, same place next week. Bye for now.
